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| I am a true believer of the quote "a drunken mind speaks a sober truth"
I went out on the weekend as most uni students do. I went drinking and clubbing and I enjoyed myself.
Everyone else was opting for going to karaoke afterward but I was just too tired because uni was quite hectic that week.
I usually catch a bus home and even though it was past 2 in the morning I'm fine with waiting at the bus stop by myself since there's always a crowd of people, like me, waiting for the last bus of the night.
But this time was different. A friend who I've only just recently become acquainted with said he would wait with me. I refused politely and insisted he just go home but he insisted as I was intoxicated (not that much, but still) and he was pretty much sober.
We waited together and being the drunk I am, I talk a lot more than usual. We talked about a lot of things. Physical appearances, surface information and even personal things. The latter is what was most important. We were on the topic of relationships I told him about who I personally had my eyes set on - one of our mutual friends. I do admit, I trust him not to spread rumours or tell the mutual friend directly, so I'm not worrying about that.
Then, he told me something personal about his life. My reaction? "wow, that really sucks and I'm genuinely sorry for you". Considering that reaction, what he told me was deep, personal and probably not something you'd share with someone you only recently met.
To make the situation even more interesting, I have no recollection of what he told me. Nothing. Nil. Zilch.
The next day, we were discussing our night out and came across the topic of our bus-waiting-conversation. He asked me if I remember what he had told me. Attempting to be sneaky, I told him I remembered bits and pieces. He saw right through me and knew I didn't remember anything. Yes, we laughed about my drunken state but I could feel he was quite upset. Now as I think over it, it's not suprising that he is upset. He was sober, opened up to me and told me something personal about his life. He expected that I would remember but I didn't. Sure, some people are saying "you were intoxicated, he should be understanding about you not remembering" but it still irks me.
Today, over lunch our large group of friends was discussing the events of our fun night out and he shared to the group some of the stupid things I had said. I'm not angry or annoyed at him for sharing that since it's just humour, and I and very thankful that he did not mention anything personal I had told him - especially about our mutual friend! He then went on the discuss how I don't remember what he had told me. Prior to lunch, I had told my other friends how terrible I felt and guilt-ridden I had been all week. The way he talked to me sarcastically only confirmed to them and myself how upset he is.
I know you may never read my blog, let alone find it, but I really am sorry. Some people may say, why are you apologising, you were under the influence of alcohol, but I can't help but feel sorry. It isn't that I meant to forgot so please don't think I think that you're unnecessary and not worthy of remembering about. And just because I forgot, I don't want you to think that I'm unreliable and untrustworthy. You may not think we know, but you're a sweet kid. You look out for people, you put them back into line, and most importantly, you make people laugh. I don't know how long it will take me to overcome this guilt - it may take a while since I can't handle guilt very well, and especially since you're disappointed in me, who knows. I don't know if I'll ever end up remembering what was said that night at the bus stop but I've now learnt my lesson. There are many occasions where people will talk nonsense and it's inevitable. But when we least expect it, there are times when we should not overlook conversation and what is being said because we will miss the important details that define a person.
I'm sorry friend. | | |
| I was hit by the realisation that I do nothing. Nothing I do has any deep meaning to me. Uni? I only go because the thought of not going to something that I paid $3000 a subject pisses me off.Work? It's so monotonous. Exercise? just to keep up with society's standards. Going out? just to try and meet new people - which I must say I do, but it's all shallow talk.
What happened to the meaningful, personal and intellectual conversations I would have? What happened to those people I would have those conversations with? These days seem so empty to me. I feel so alone. I don't like who I am today. And what's even worse is that I don't have anyone I can share this with. Where is everyone. Where am I?
It's all an outward appearance.
Recently I was in a situation with a guy. I do not appreciate being toyed with. And just a message to him - I am not something you can play with. I now dislike you for absolutely screwing around with my head and I will not let you take advantage of my kindness again. I need to stop putting my trust in people so easily.
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| Uni in 9 hours..
zzzzzzzz
I've been sick the last week (actually, more than a week) and it's been the worst time ever
I haven't been able to go out and I'm just stuck home alone all the time
I miss the feeling of being a part of society =(
I'm starting to get better now! and I feel positive + + + + + + + +
see? hahah
It's time for a change
will write an intense explanation blog tomorrow - as well has an email to steph :) | | |
| my friend.
It's been a while hasn't it? the last time I saw you was over a month ago.
I call you every few days to check up on you and keep our friendship going but you're never there. I leave you countless messages..But never do you call. I don't think I'm expecting too much from you but just at least the basics
You told me, on one rare occasion of a phone call, that you've suffered a loss You didn't even tell me You seem to have just forgotten that I'm here for you
We like to think that we can still be close despite distance We tried hard, but I feel like I'm pulling all the weight now
Is this what's called "growing apart"? | | |
| So... it's been a while huh? First, I need to write down a hectic weekend I had 2 weeks ago - just so I NEVER forget it That end of the week consisted of:
- finishing my first semester of uni (and doing my first and only exam, sigh) - UNIFEST at the bourbon @ kings cross.. Sam la more and dj goodwill rocked my night and my ears were still ringing when I got home - Flora's 18th. My my, houses on the north shore are DEFINITELY different. It was overflowing with class - Susan and Aimee's 18th @ Verandah Bar. Met a couple of interesting people ahem. It was a good night overall
- Barely had any sleep and went to watch transformers 2. THIS was the best ending to an awesome weekend :)
and now, I have nothing to do.
sigh
It's uni break and I've been home for the last couple of days and I think I'm going crazy. Not because I'm at home, but because I have no money to go out. I must say, I've become very dependent on my fortnightly pay. Without money, I have this sense of worry and my sense of security is down the drain. Even when I'm out just locally, the recurring thought that I have little money in my wallet makes me feel quite insecure. But thank god I'm getting paid this thursday :)
Now I'm on holidays, I promise to blog more :)
I make that promise because I don't have anything brog-worthy on my mind at the moment haha
I'll probably brog tomorrow or so 8) | | |
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